OK, so I recovered from last week. I wasn’t nearly as devastated by the fact that my fave Megan got sent home, but that the girl had clearly lost her marbles sometime between her awesome “Can’t Help Lovin’ Dat Man” audition and her arm-flapping, caw-cawing elimination. Ah well, probably for the best.

Now on to the Top 8, who are singing songs from the year they were born.  (But first: WTF is up with the lifeless bald guy in the audience? That can’t be a real person…right?)

But it’s not time for contestants yet! Gotta eat up time with the judges’ baby picks. Good God, did Ryan just say “poopie?” And how rich did his orthodondist get fixing those buckteeth of his? Anyway…

1. Danny does a 1980 version of “Stand by Me.” The arrangement is awful: First he sounds like he’s ahead of the music, then it gets funky — as in bad disco funky, not good Prince funky — and the whole thing sounds counter to the classic melody.

The judges all essentially say it was horrible, but he’s great! Vote for Danny!

2. Kris talks about the “instructor” of a ferris wheel and wins points for his adorable gaffe. He sings “All She Wants to Do Is Dance,” processing Don Henley through his Jason Mraz filter.

He basically does the same thing as Danny, only better, but the judges give him hell for it. You know they’re confused when Randy calls the tune “a great song.” I love me some Don Henley, but a great song that is not. Also, Simon makes a joke about how hot he and Kris are.

3. Lil’s mother apparently felt the need to set the record straight that her daughter’s seeming nom de stage is actually her birth name. She sings “What’s Love Got to Do With It.” And she….well, her eye makeup is awesome, and her ass continues to go badonkadonk. But the vocals…sigh.

Simon classifies it as “ghastly” and says what I’ve been thinking — that Lil has failed to capitalize on her 15 minutes, and her time is up. Though he also claims there were “a million” songs she could have chosen from 1984. I don’t have the stats handy, but I think he might be off a, well, lil. (I can hear your collective groan.)

Allison

4. Anoop is next — is he really still in the competition? Sings “True Colors,” a sure killer, and not in a slay-’em kind of way.

It is extremely boring, yet the judges are extremely complimentary. Simon says that Anoop doesn’t have to apologize for sassing Kara last week: “We can be horrible to you, and  you can be horrible back.”

(That makes me feel a little better for the wince-inducing kiss-off he gave to Megan last week, telling her they’re not even going to bother pretending they might save her because they just don’t care. Cold!)

5. Scott gets up there with a guitar and warbles “The Search Is Over.” Everyone acts astonished that he plays something other than the piano; Paula says she thought an acoustic might have been better than an electric. “I thought this WAS my acoustic guitar!” Scott replies.

(Not really. And I know I’m going to hell for making fun of the blind kid.)

6. Allison sings “I Can’t Make You Love Me” from…ugh, 1992! Besides the fact of her extreme youth, the performance is nice enough. She can’t be Growly McGrowlerson all the time, you know.

Simon says she needs to be more likable, which is weird for me, dawg. I mean, the girl has pink hair and a smiley monkey face. How much more likeable can she get without turning into Kris?

7. Matt laughs his way through a totally embarrassing video of him as an earnest kiddie angel. Then he continues his aping of Justin Timberlake with “Part-Time Lover.”

The best part of his performance is his hat, but the judges drool. Kara needs to settle down. “INCREDIBLE ON EVERY LEVEL!” she yells. Kara, we told you to stop sharing Paula’s Coke!

8. Adam the Idol finishes the show with “Mad World,” aka the Donnie Darko song. He’s on a stool with his legs spread-eagle and bathed in a freaky blue light….and then he stands, and it’s very dramatic.

The performance is a little overemotive and affected for my taste, but once again he’s technically dead-on. Simon gives him a standing ovation. I’m floored.

That’s all my DVR lets me see. Never did find out who/what the bald guy was; I’m sure it’s gotta be some kind of Fox promotion. Anyone know?

This week’s bottom three: Lil. Anoop. And, please God, Scott.

A rundown:

Kara continues Simon’s spot-on comment about how “it’s fine being an artist, just not on this show” by defining her go-to word, “artistry,” as “….making you want to run out and buy the record.” Prompting the contestants to whip out their cells and Google “record” during the first of many commercial breaks.

1. Anoop sings Usher’s “Caught Up” and promises “high energy.” Epic fail. Kara: “I feel like a bunch of frat guys dared you to get up there and sing Usher.” Burn! Ryan tries to start a fight between Anoop and Miss DiaG. Also an epic fail.

2. Megan…oh Megan. You were so good in your audition and first performance! I didn’t even mind “Rockin’ Robin.” But Bob Marley?? She does “Turn Your Lights Down Low.” It’s dull. And girlfriend can’t dance and sing simultaneously. Randy pretends he’s Simon and says it was “like watching paint dry.” Dawg!

3. Danny and His…hey, he’s wearing the same glasses as last week! Bravo. Sings “What Hurts the Most” by Rascal Flatts, with the intention of “pull[ing] out what’s inside of him.” A violin starts…zzzzzzWha? Oh yeah, Idol.

He does his thing. My cat walks in the living room and my husband and I both start cooing as if we’ve never seen her before. The song is over! The judges drool — Simon APPLAUDS — so I gotta watch it again.

Eh — still not all that impressed. Kara says he “gave so much of your heart and soul to the audience.” TRANSLATION: “We really want you to be in the Top 3.” My husband exclaims: “Don’t be fooled, America, he’s Taylor Hicks all over again!”

4. Allison whips out the guitar for “Don’t Speak.” She says she “grew up listening to the song” and I suddenly feel very old. She doesn’t knock it out of the park but it’s still good, so the judges resort to critiquing her Pebbles Flinstone outfit.

5. Aargh, Scott. You know how I feel about him…but he’s doing Billy Joel! Besides his weird, flash-frozen smile to the audience right before he starts singing, it’s probably his best performance. (Disclaimer: May be slightly biased by the fact that I love me some Billy Joel. There, I said it.)

Dude got a nice makeover, too. Meanwhile, Paula is looking more haggard as the night wears on.

6. Matt sings “You Found Me” by the Fray and is allowed to play his keyboard offstage surrounded by girls. Doesn’t seem quite fair, but it doesn’t help him win points for his tepid David Cook impersonation. Judges: Hated it!

This kind of irks me, though — if a contestant does the same thing every week, they’re chastised for not showing their versatility. Show some versatility, though, and now “We don’t know who you are!” (I know, I know, most viewers probably have recognized this hypocrisy many seasons ago. I’m a relative newcomer.)

7. Lil does Celine Dion’s “I Surrender” with a new weave and some serious makeup. During the big notes, she sounds good but looks like a blowup doll. (Go ahead, watch it again.)

Ryan again tries to start trouble, this time by putting Lil’s terrified toddler daughters in the spotlight. Classy! In the end, the younger spawn ends up glommed on to poor Randy.

8. Adam is singing “Play That Funky Music” and is shown letting loose an AaaaAAAAHHHHH!!! during practice. Oh no! Immediately, it sounds like a cruise-ship arrangement. The return of the pompadour, the cheesy gyrations, the knee-dancing…”it’s like Ralph Macchio or Adrian Zmed singing,” according to husband, officially winning tonight’s Best Snark.

It’s moderately painful, but then comes the “’till you die AY AYAYAY AYAYAYAAYY!!” and GOOD GOD WHAT THE HELL IS HE DOING TO THE SONG? Simon calls it “original,” which is one way of putting it. Kara says it was “like Studio 57 in here” — I’m thinking she meant Studio 54, but that’s OK, Paula Jr.

At any rate, the judges are all over it, so this is another performance I’m rewinding…and Oh God, no, no, no! Sorry. (Classy of him to give the band props, though.)

9. Kris the Kutey is going to sing…”Anal Sunshine?” Oh, “Ain’t No Sunshine.” Great song, he sounds OK, but really you gotta have a bit more grit — or “flavor,” as the judges might say — to pull it off. Go forth and get thy heart broken, boy, then try again. Judges drool regardless.

Bottom 3 prediction: Matt. Scott. And, sigh, Megan. Might be the week my fave goes home! But maybe it’s better to put the poor thing out of her misery.

Adam Lambert.